Wednesday, 24 February 2016

From maid to matador

A lot has changed since the imprisonment of my former maid, Basil.  For two days, I had to make my own larks' tongues on toast for breakfast, run my own bath and plump my own pillows before bedtime.    This just wouldn't do.

So, I've replaced Basil with a far better alternative.  I now have a bull-fighter from Barcelona working as my maid.  Don't ask how I found him.  (Hint: it was one of those MILF websites, and it was late at night after a few too many goblets of sherry!)

His name is Pedro Gonzalez.  He is a little 'easier on the eye' than Basil was. 

Whilst writing this blog post, can I just ask everyone not to read tomorrow's Daily Mail newspaper, in which there is a disgusting sensationalist story about myself and how a part of Pedro the bullfigher's anatomy got lodged into a part of my own body.

There is a sane explanation for this.  The explanation is that Pedro slipped on a glacé cherry and went flying across the room whilst I was bending down to pick up a thimble that had fallen from my embroidery.  Should you see the Daily Mail being sold, please buy as many newspapers as you can, and burn them all at the first opportunity.  Do not believe in salacious rumours.

I don't think it requires any further discussion, and I consider the matter now closed for discussion.  Good night!



  1. Dear, the story broke over here already. Fear not....i bought as many as houseboy # 34, 6, and 21 could carry. It will make nice liner for the finch and parrots cages. But betwix us, its happened to us all darling.

  2. Today's news, tomorrow's toilet paper if you're from 'oop north'

  3. Too late. The news broke and is old news now.I try not to be in the same vicinity as the Daily Mail, but this is Winchester and people here worship it as their god.
    The slipping on the cherry thing goes on all the time and happens to the best of us.xx


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