Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Do-it-yourself Botox

I'm sucking ice-cubes, non-stop.    I've just had Do-it-Yourself Botox to my lips.   J'adore Botox!   But today, I simply couldn't be bothered to visit the beauty salon for a couple of injections, so instead, I did it myself in the comfort of my own home.  

Here's how:  as you know, Fanny keeps bees at her country estate.  So I went outside to one of the beehives and plunged an empty tea-pot into the beehive and filled it with worker bees.  I then went back indoors and deliberately stung myself about a dozen times on the lips.  Of course, I had to knock back a few triple-strength paracetamols mixed with a few triple-strength gin n' tonics to soothe the pain, but I'm really over-the-moon with the result.  Don't my Marilyn Monroe lips look wonderful? And to think - I saved £500 by doing it myself! I'll dispense another beauty-saving tip soon x
 Now receiving rave reviews on the Money Saving Expert website: Fanny's Do-It-Yourself classic 'bee sting' lips are better and cheaper than Botox.   Instructions: If you live in a city, go for a drive into the country [somewhere nice like Buckinghamshire, not somewhere chavvy like Essex] and find yourself an old country hice, the sort of place that looks posh; break in to the grounds and find the beehives.  You can annoy the bees by kicking the hive and then opening the lid and plunge your face fully into the beehive and count to 90.  Result: beautiful, kissable, all-natural Marilyn Monroe lips that only cost the price of half a tank of petrol!


  1. Fanny, your lips look exquisite. J'adore botox aussi. Could One use wasps instead? I was once bitten on the lower lip area by a mosquito whilst on holiday in Spain, it looked like I had herpes,

    1. Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment, Mitzi. I am sending you an air-kiss!

      Yes, one can indeed use a wasp. Make sure you use a pair of tweezers and pick the insect up by its thorax. I usually cover my lips in Manuka Honey to give the wasp something worthwhile. One can get quite hooked on DIY Botox and, in fact, I've only just dispensed sage advice to my nearest and dearest friend, Mrs Maude Inviolata Bascombe, to plunge her face into a wasps' nest. She's 86 years of age. She's been sucking cock all her life. Indeed, the euphemism "don't teach Grandmother to suck eggs" was personally created after a chance encounter with her whilst flying on Concorde in the 1980s (she was, of course, travelling in cattle class, whilst I was joining the Mile High club in Nobility Class).