Friday, 4 April 2014

Update on Belladonna

Since leaving my employ (forcibly, by the ejector seat), Belladonna my ex-maid, is still living out rough on the village green.  She's also now making the headlines, thanks to a bit of naughtiness on my part (I bribed a newspaper editor).

Meanwhile, I have been plaguing the local council with phone calls and letters, re-citing the common byelaw that any dog seen without its owner on public land is deemed a stray, and that Belladonna should be rounded up by the dog warden, for her own protection.  But they have, to date, failed to act, no doubt due to the fact they haven't got a van big enough to transport her in.   

"I dunno, Fanny", I chortle to myself over a soothing cuppa of basking-shark tea, "Reliable live-in staff are as rare as hens' teeth, aren't they?".  

"Yes, they are, Fanny" I reply, solemnly, putting the cup down.


  1. Darling Fanny:

    Given that you are soldiering on [doubtless a wish here!!] if not alone, then seriously under staffed, we do wonder if the dismissal of Belladonna was not a little hasty given the difficulty of finding any staff, reliable or otherwise, since the war?

    Since she is camping out [another wish here!!] on the Common, could she not pitch her tent [so to speak] in the garden in exchange for washing off the outside paintwork, cleaning windows, mopping floors, emptying the washing up machine, light dusting, etc.? You know, all those little jobs which require a man about the house.

    1. My dearest Jane and Lance,

      I have conceded that you are, of course, right. I will have to invite Belladonna back in because I simply cannot cope. I am at my wit's end, no-one to make a creme de menthe frappe for me, no-one to bring me my lark's tongues' sandwiches for breakfast. I'm going mad with loneliness. Oh for a Maid! I have taken your advice and will leave the door on the latch and some Wagon Wheels in clear view of the village green and see if that tempts her.

      Fanny xx

  2. I'm impressed by that newspaper article. So how big is Belladonna anyway?

    1. Hello Blue darling,

      Belladonna is big... she makes Giant Haystacks look like an ant. Belladonna's dress size is Hippopotamus!

  3. Who would you rather have as a maid Belladonna or that copper wire hair woman from Shipley? Come back Bella love, all is forgiven!

    They say that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness! Isn't that right Mitzi... yes it is.

  4. Mmmhhhh, lovely basking-shark tea. Must taste really fishy!