Thursday, 22 August 2013

The day of the fox

Fanny was enjoying quail egg soup this afternoon in the drawing room when there was a deafening, almighty crash.  The west window completely shattered inwards and a gingery-red flash of some animal leapt into the room.  Before I could scream in horror, in hot pursuit of the animal were Brenda, my Doberman Pinscher, and Lady Bossity, a boisterous, mad Springer Spaniel bitch from across the village.

For my own safety, I jumped on top of the table and from up there caught sight of a 5-ft long fox jumping over the silver service and just missing my Ormolu clock.

Both dogs had gone mad: the fox wasted no time in mounting the Louis Quatorze dresser, knocking over and smashing into a thousand pieces a Ming vase, before leaping onto the piano, leaving deep scratches.

Ten seconds later, after a blinding flash of red fur, followed by Brenda's slavering lips and Lady Bossity's high-pitched growl, there was another almighty crash as all three animals jumped straight through the east window and disappeared into the grounds.

It was sometime later that I 'came round' (I usually revive myself not with smelling salts, but a good snort from a bottle of Poppers) to find Lady Bossity, the mad Springer Spaniel, lording it up on my once pure-white carpet (it originally cost over £55,000).   What had become of the fox or Brenda the Doberman, I did not know. 

However, the Spaniel was covered from head to tail in fox shit (I recall one of my grounds-men telling me that all dogs love to roll around in the stuff, as they think it a very expensive and pleasurable perfume) and my beautiful carpet was now more  a shade of chocolate surprise than truffle-white.

Tip-toeing in horror towards the door, I was on the cusp of escaping, but for the harrowing creak of a floorboard.  At that moment, the filthy Spaniel startled from her reverie, saw me and made a running jump into my arms.


  1. I love springer spaniels they've got boundless energy, I had one called Lucy, she had a penchant for eating goose shit.

    1. My dearest Mitzi, please accept my apologies for my absence from blogging and cyberspace generally. I would so love to know more about your springer spaniel called Lucy who delighted in eating goose shit. I now have a maid called Belladonna who has a penchant for eating goose shit. I had a delightful Halloween, the night of giving head. love Fanny xxx

  2. Hey Fanny Love

    Adore your blog, so funny, great pics & well-written. You're a legend on the gay website btw!