Friday, 12 February 2016

The end of Basil


It's been all over the newspapers: Basil, my maid, has been handed a 6-month jail sentence for trying to defraud the lottery, following my instructions for her to sellotape two tickets together and go and collect the £33m winnings.

Upon reading this desperately sad news, I sat in my Sewing Room and momentarily shed a tear in her memory.   The tear had not even rolled down my cheek before I was out the door like a whippet and off to Tesco Express to buy six bottles of champagne.   I got completely twatted.   

A letter arrived - postmarked Wormwood Scrubbs - from Basil, asking me desperately to get her a lawyer to get her off the charges.



Basil writes that her first week in prison has been very tough, she has had to eat mouse-droppings for breakfast, wear a scratchy blue prison outfit, and has been asked to pick the soap off the shower floor on a number of occasions by a big lesbian calling herself Billy-Jo.  I might've known that Basil would write to me with her tail between her legs.

In such an inebriated state, I gave Basil the necessary compassion she deserves and tossed her letter on the fire without so much as another thought.  Now, it was necessary to think about my dire domestic situation.   It's a bone of contention that one cannot ignore: a lady cannot be a lady without a maid.  So I went online and hired the first live-in maid I could find.  Couldn't find much quality, but did manage to hire a general dogsbody.  Still nursing a hangover, I was in bed sipping some sherry, when the new maid started.  I heard Juan welcome her into the house.   The maid's name is Trixie.  Hopefully she's a lot better than my past maids, Belladonna and Basil.  I haven't got my spectacles on at the moment but here is her photo:




7 comments:

  1. Dear Fannie.....there is most definitely something wrong with her nose. Has she had a freak accident? This is why I employ only all men, with exception to my lousy Social Director Anita Moorecock. Thanks goodness her saving grace is her fashion sense.

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    1. oh yes, I see what you mean about her nose.

      I would dearly love to meet Anita Moorecock. Her name is wonderful. I once knew a man called Cyril Growcock.

      Delete
  2. I used to enjoy watching The Flumps on television when I was a kiddie and now you have one working as a maid. I'm green with envy.

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes, the Flumps! I remember.

      We can always do a maid-swap. I would love to meet your maid of all work, Carmen

      Delete
  3. Awww... she's cute! I'll doubt she'll ever talk out of her arse.
    Sx

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    1. Hi honey, that'll be a change as most of my past maids used to talk the most elaborate rubbish, straight out of their bottoms!

      Delete
  4. Women who use Pinterest like to create boards full of hotties.

    Let us not forget the tweets about hot guys on Twitter, of course! :o

    But, we can all watch hot YouTube guys on the YT platform.

    ReplyDelete