Saturday, 21 February 2015

And why not?

I was just on my way to my local Post Office at Brill to send a telegram to Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of the United States of England, when I spotted this sign on a residential door in the village.

It made bile rise in the back of my gullet.  How inappropriate to display this sign in a village!  This is a conservation zone, and an Area of Upstanding Natural Beauteousness (the Chiltern Hills, and my own abode, Raffles, the Home of Fanny Love, of course).

I'd like to know why there are no prostitutes at that address?!  They should be everywhere, especially in a little village like this.  The National Economy depends upon them!  And so does little ole me.  Don't knock them... they keep old trannies (I'm 40 this year, y'er know!) very happy during the winter months.

I went straight back home after sending the telegram (I'm running for local MP for my area, and hoped to rustle up support from the top man himself) and sat down to do some embroidery and crochet-work whilst gently sipping absinthe and sucking a lollipop.

Two bottles of absinthe later, here are my finished works.



Tomorrow, a beauty therapist is visiting chez moi to perform a new treatment involving snails.  I cannot wait.


  1. Snails? You really are up on things. Will they be sautéed and dipped in butter later? As far as prostitutes go, what a rage!!!!!!! They do help to keep the pressure and anxiety down and help one to I hear. Course this could be how I ended up with some many houseboys. You know they were probably all unemployed for the reason of signs like the such.

  2. I'm not sure, Mistress Maddie, whether the snails will be served up as some perverse French banquet (with the waiters wearing loin-cloths) or whether the snails will genuinely be used as a beauty treatment. I would love to visit your casa and see your boys... they sound like fun. I'm sure they know how to look after an old 'pro like me.

  3. I trust your therapist is au fait with the butter-stick treatment - made infamous at Infomaniac? Otherwise I implore extreme caution regarding the snails.