Juan got all excited in the trouser department this morning when Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst appeared on TV singing Rise Like a Phoenix (no! that's not a mayonnaise stain on the collar of my dress). I adore Conchita: not only is she beautiful, but she can sing, she has an amazing wardrobe and she's proudly trans. Imagine my boiling disgust to learn that Russia, a little-known country east of the Balkans, made disgusting and shameful comments about Conchita: "there is no limit to our outrage, this is the end of Europe. There are no men or women in Europe, just it". It? Referring to a goddess like Conchita as it? Boo hiss boo!
So, without further a-do, let's take a quick look at Russia's offering in the Eurovision Song Contest. The ballad "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" was performed by sultry lounge singer, Mikel Gorbachev, who twerked his way onto stage wearing a sickle-print cocktail dress. Isn't he sexy? I love that beetroot stain on his forehead.
Tripe dressed as mutton
Sadly, the Russian Embassy refused my visa. Moved to tears by the missed opportunity to visit Norilsk's stunning coastline, I stood outside the Russian Embassy in Central London singing at the top of my voice Sweet Transvestite by the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
You may remember that my ex-maid, Belladonna, comes from Russia. Another reason the place should be bombed to smithereens. Anyway, let's forget about silly little places like Russia and just enjoy the extraordinary talent that is Conchita Wurst:-