Tuesday 10 June 2014

The curse of the traffic warden


Traffic wardens - like a plague of locusts - are one of this nation's most vilified sub-species.   They're generally monosyllabic or completely mute, walk with a shuffle, spit in three directions and have all the charm of a face-to-face encounter with Gollum.  As if by chance, it was just four weeks ago, whilst I was out dogging in the little but very popular layby that runs at the back of the A34 just north of Oxford, that one of their kind slapped a yellow-and-black ticket on my Daimler.   Who would have known that 30 minutes of fun in the bushes and over the picnic tables could have cost me a £40 Fixed Penalty Charge?

Since that time, I have issued my chauffeur with written instructions (they are sellotaped to the steering wheel) to show them no mercy and run them over, as a matter of cause (Juan loves a game of ten-pin bowling).   And my tactic for evading the clutches of the traffic warden whilst out dogging?   I invented this little game to keep their tiny little brains occupied....

4 comments:

  1. Thanks Fanny, I'm going to have fun playing that game. Have you thought about applying for a blue badge? I've just been turned down for one, apparently having a blister on the ankle doesn't qualify you, I was blazing, it's discrimination and I shall be writing to my MP about it!

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    1. I think it's disgusting that the council wouldn't give you a blue badge for having a blister on the ankle. Couldn't you Photoshop one and print it out instead of going by official channels?

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  2. You could also leave some instructions on how to make a string of jaunty bunting with those tickets.
    Sx

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    1. Hi Ms Scarlet, that would be a great idea. I would wear the jaunty bunting around my neck, or better still, string it up at the village's forthcoming fête. Fanny x

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