Monday, 31 December 2012

A Look Back at 2012 - The Year That Was

Fanny Love, wearing a black wig and Maximillion-style wedding dress with ruched trim, visiting her Estate Agent, with a loaded antique Wallonian hunting rifle

All text in bold grey are clickable links; just click to be taken to the smut!

Dear Reader.  I hope your year has been good.  2013 is just around the corner. I hope it's a wonderful year for you and all your dreams come true.  My 2012 was a truly tumultuous year, with many challenges, much laughter but also much sadness.  But it was a year ending in chaotic resolve.  I relocated from Wiltshire to Buckinghamshire, and finally saw my dream come true in the conception and filming of my life-time work of art, The Hampstead Heath Chainsaw Massacre I'd like to thank the wonderful Mitzi and the wonderful Miss MJ for a lot of funny moments, as well as my good friend, Truelove and my charming and hunky butler/chauffeur/toyboy, Juan for keeping me warm, Brazilian-style, during the seemingly-endless wet British summer.

 During this year, I also came across many lovely young men, who, in tribute to their charms, I am documenting in this last breathe of 2012. 

So.... here's a quick recap of 2012 in the life of Fanny Love:

In February, I accidentally on purpose managed to insult local dignitaries by reading poetry about S&M whilst wearing a provocative outfit


Mr February.

In March, I was stalked by a furniture collector.    During that same fair month, I was also put on anti-depressants after a disastrous trip to Port Talbot. 

Wales seemed not to be able to let me out of its grip, for I was back there again, invited to give an operatic performance and shortly after the disaster of all disasters happened, which is best not spoken about in polite circles but involves the burning-down of a caravan.

At my Spring Fête, I wore a rabbit-head dress, that was celebrated in all the fashion magazines.



Mr and Mr March

April saw me losing my flower-girl innocence on a "cottaging" trip to Dorset with Gloria Girdle.  


 Mr April

June saw me jumping into a Wiltshire river and re-enacting Ophelia as a statement on the beauty of death.   July saw me engaged in a running battle with villagers who objected to the topiary in my garden.   Later that same month, I witnessed the extraordinary Welsh fetish of bog-snorkelling.


Mr June

August was the month that I moved to Raffles, a remote country estate in northwest Buckinghamshire.  My patience wore thin and Cook was first taken away to a psychiatric unit, after her culinary perversions concluding in the Exploding Pudding incident

Film crews descended on London's Hampstead Heath for the filming of my multi-million pound Victorian Gothic lesbian thriller, the Hampstead Heath Chainsaw Massacre.


Mr August

I holidayed in the beautiful Scottish islands, before going on a wild shoplifting spree in Glasgow at the start of September.


Mr September



October was the month my Press Secretary went to a star-studded event, pretending to be me, completely drunk after vodka was poured into her water-cooler.  She was dressed as a Dalek.


Mr October

November was a quiet month, spent mostly baking gingerbread cookies and visiting New York City, Helsinki, Prague, Brussels, Paris, Barcelona and Lisbon (my favourite!).


Mr November

December saw some of my staff thrown from a third floor window after a meteoric fall from grace, plus an advent calendar containing chocolate-coated Sprouts.  Later that month, I turned my hand to bee-keeping.   And one of my most iconic TV performances of the decade was Cook Along With Fanny.   Just a shame about the ending.  It taught me a lesson, and that lesson is that the combination of triple-strength gin and tonics, Valium, 12-inch stilettos, and cooking oil spilt onto marble floors, just doesn't mix well!


Mr December
 
So it's time to look to 2013.  In the New Year, in addition to the continuance of this blog, I'll be launching a brand new blog called Travelling Transvestite - Around the World in 180 Days.  You'll be able to read about my adventures as I travel on vacation from England to Europe to Latin America to Australasia, Asia, and Africa, a vacation of epic proportions spread over 180 days.

Thanks for reading my blog this year and myself and Juan would like to wish you a Happy and Prosperous 2013.

Love
Fanny xxx  

16 comments:

  1. A happy new year to you, Miss Fanny.

    We wait breathlessly for the further adventures of a Travelling Transvestite!

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  2. Hello Miss MJ,

    Happy New Year to you too!

    I'm just in the process of packing my cow-skin luggage now! It's going to be a great year. Hope all your dreams come true in 2013

    Fanny xxx

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  3. One has heard so many horror stories about the Gorbals in Glasgow such as children going to school without shoes on their feet and the mothers would fill a tin bath in the kitchen with hot water (from the kettle) and biological wash powder and encourage their many children to stamp up and down on the clothes, then they would peg it outside to dry, it's true!

    I've been to Glasgow once and my only memory of that place is seeing an old bag lady walking aimlessly in the local park with a mangy dog on a bit of rope, she was telling passersby that she's really Gracie Fields on her way to Capri. Shoplifting has become ever so tricky nowadays with all those pesky CCTV cameras sneaking up all over the place.


    Happy New Year!

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    1. Hello Mitzi,

      Happy New Year to you too!

      I usually wear a burqa when going shoplifting, as the ultimate form of disguise. A burqa is a type of tent, apparently. Lady Gaga wore one, but she was only copying my style as she always does.

      I certainly found a lot of interesting characters in Glasgow, much like the 'Gracie Fields on her way to Capri' character you've described. I thought it was a fun city though, with some beautiful corners particularly the West End. Juan and I had a wild night at the Polo Lounge, Glasgow's number 1 gay club. The Glaswegian gay guys and girls we saw there were so beautiful. Glasgee is definitely worth a trip, providing you get the weather (maybe best to pack a waterproof bikini, just in case)! But avoid those deep-fried Mars Bars at a zillion calories per bite.

      Fanny xxx

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  4. To my dearest and most beloved sister, I wish you a happy new year.

    Sorry for not being around much, my time in Tokyo has been so busy with work. I've signed a multi million pound deal to be the face of a very famous Japanese denim company.

    Unfortunately though my sex life has suffered. Japanese men just do not do it for me.

    I will be returning to the uk in the next month or so and will be returning to the desperate website squirt to seek revenge on them. Just like the good old days my love!

    First on my list is the awful lady vagina. Some how she got my private mobile number and left drunken abusive voicemails.

    See you soon sister.

    Truelove

    X O X O

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Hi fanny and truelove, this is Ambrosia Strangelove. i was so impressed by fanny's blog i started my own, called Cruising 4 gay sex. here is the link i hope you will become fans and spread the word.

      http://www.cruising4gaysex.blogspot.co.uk/

      Ambrosia Strangelove
      the cruising and cottage queen

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    3. To my dearest Truelove, hi Darling, I'm so delighted to hear from you. I have missed you these long months. We must get together for a girly night out in Soho, or better still St Tropez. I do hope you enjoyed Japan. Where are you living now?

      Do you have any email or way I can contact you?

      Lady Vagina has apparently been posting all sorts of utter tripe on certain websites, not just about you but myself too. My litigation team are working overtime to quell her slanderous, forked tongue.

      You will also see our old friend, the "peculiar, little sex-kitten in the pink dress with a bow in her hair", better known as Ambrosia Strangelove, has once more absconded from the secure unit. When will the men in white coats learn? I hear she doesn't take her meds, she just crushes up her Zyprexa into fine dust and uses it as eye-shadow instead of swallowing. Ambrosia was last seen hitchhiking up the A1 in the general direction of Peterborough (her home town).

      Let's meet soon. Juan is desperate to see you!

      Lots of love to you, sister.

      Fanny xxxxxx

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    4. Oh fanny,

      You make my heart flutter so much so! Oh how I have missed you!

      I'm not computer literate so I don't really know what I'm doing when on these computer contraptions. I must set up a profile on here.

      I've just purchased a lovely home in Jamaica. You must come and visit. I live right by the beach. Bring juan, his pictures make me warm and moist inside hee-hee.

      I've been trying to ignore ambrosia-strangelove. She really does need medical help. Couldn't you send one of your private doctors to see her? She really gives us t-girls a very bad name with her antics.

      Lady vagina is a vulgar piece of trash. I heard she was raised by wild lesbians (aren't they all wild haha!)

      I return at the end of this month and my new profile will be set up. I'm looking. For a new place to live as my Chelsea apartment is currently being rented out to some Russians.

      Can you recommend anywhere close to London to live? Perhaps I could stay with you for a few days while I get sorted?

      All my heart


      True x

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    5. Hello Truelove,

      You've bought a home in Jamaica? Wow, how lovely. I know Ernest Hemingway loved the island. I've not been, but I loved nearby St Lucia.

      I'm afraid Ambrosia Strangelove is doing her 'elephant in a china-shop' impression and now has her own blog, dedicated to cruising and cottaging. It's a vulgar work of art. I believe she drinks turpentine and methylated spirit for breakfast.

      Yes, I think you are correct about Lady Vagina being raised by wolves

      Why don't you come and stay at Raffles with Juan and I? Plenty of room (27 bedrooms) and think of the fun we could have!

      Right, got to go and get the bees in as it's snowing cats and dogs outside! I keep the beehive in the airing cupboard!

      Love
      Fanny xxx

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