After hours of toil and the clatter of utensils, I've just made: Christmas Swiss Roll; Fanny's Surprise Pasta Bowl; Reindeer Tomato Soup; Wild Truffle and Quail Egg Pizza; Traditional Winter Fruit Compote, Christmas Toffee Cake and Victoria Beckham Sponge Cake, among others. Here are my culinary creations. Aren't they the tastiest-looking creations fit for a king's feast? All expertly made with love, care and tenderness. I conceived an affection to the ladies of the WI that would see me crowned the hostess with the mostest, a chatter of tongues and suddenly, I'm the most talked about cook extraordinaire for years, a legend in the making. I can imagine the headlines of the Brill Gazette... (*holds breathe and waits*)
Wild Truffle and Quail Egg Pizza
Fanny's Surprise Pasta Bowl (in the making). Glug... my word, that's a lethal whiskey chaser. Alcohol.. a chef's best friend.
Victoria Beckham Sponge Cake (with a vanilla essence Bird's Eye Topping finish)
The recipe did say "bake on a high temperature".
Do you think the Winter Fruits compote is done yet?
The Christmas Toffee Cake didn't turn out quite right.
Would you mind asking the Womens' Institute to stick their head in the oven and lick the contents off the oven floor? I can't seem to get the cake in one piece. Shame! Sure they won't mind!
Just a small selection of Fanny's exotic culinary creations
I hope Delia Schmidt, Gordon Rumsay, Hugh Fernleaf-Shittingstool, Dick Stein and James Boliver are reading this. I followed your recipes exactingly. This vodka-on-the-rocks is going down a treat...