The Womens' Institution - a sort of secret society who blow things up with explosives in the village hall - are having a Charity Fundraiser over the weekend, so I busied myself creating some bespoke handcrafted embroidery and sewn pieces to donate for their Winter Bring N' Buy Sale. Here's one of my creations. I'm dearly hoping it will grace some elderly ladies' living room wall.
And here is another. No! it's not a one-fingered glove.
Known as an "Old Compton Street-inspired 'cock warmer'". Ideal for winter mornings, particularly if your name is Bob and you drive a milk-float. I lovingly sewed some itching powder berries - or rosehips - into the end.
My poodle, Mr P, is moulting fur so badly, I've swept the floor and gathered up enough dog-hair to knit a cardigan. Did you know I spent three of my formative years studying at the Doberman School of Fine Art in Düsseldorf?
Just as I was about to begin feather-stitching a French lace doily with glacé cherries, the doorbell rang and I flung the door open to find a furniture delivery man with a clipboard. "Oh yes, that's right, I'd forgot" I murmured, "the new furniture... bring it all in". On a whimsy, I had ordered a new collection of furniture from a daring Parisian designer. My plans were to invite the Womens' Institution in for tea and rock-cakes and impress them with my taste in furnishings. It took a while to assemble all the new furniture, but I do think it looks rather wonderful, don't you. I hope they'll be impressed by it, seeing how they're all asexual.
The S&M Range - classy, simple, unique. Ideal for showing off to prudes like the W.I.