Saturday, 18 February 2012

Obesity at Johannesburg International Airport

They tried to whisk me through the VIP entrance, but there was chaos at Johannesburg International Airport.

Once in the VIP lounge, I was frozen in horror.  Just a short distance away, I saw a gargantuan woman, waving around a Belgian passport, allowing her enormous frame to sit dangerously upon a metal, fold-up chair.  Her red, sluttish, brightly-lipsticked mouth opened to gobble down Belgian chocolate eclairs, the packet showing 100% full fat; a pudgy hand popped another eclair in and she looked like she was going to explode. 

This woman was the size of a small house.  She looked like she was on her fifth packet.  She seemed dangerously close to crushing to pieces the metal fold-up chair she was sitting on.  I do not know if the floor gave way, or if anyone was killed in the incident, as I turn and fled.  Fortunately, my flight to London was only 30 minutes from departure.  It was an upsetting experience to an otherwise wonderful holiday.  I do not know how this imposter got into the VIP lounge.  People from Belgium should not be allowed in at all, never mind people of this girth.   This sort of incident is the very reason I always fly first class!


  1. The Welsh are the fattest nation on earth, followed closely by Americans and Russians. I once knew a Russian woman who worked as a cleaner at my office. Her name was Olga, she had excessive facial hair and a perspiration problem, she was about 22 stone, smoked 80 a day, and aside from her job as a cleaner, her hobbies were wrestling and drinking vodka and getting into fist-fights for bets.