Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Principles of Tea-making and an explanation of the P45

A P45 is a type of document issued by an employer which dispatches an employee into unemployment with the promise of the Job Seeker's Allowance.  This benefit is a type of Government pocket-money that allows claimants to binge on vodka and cocaine, without actually doing a day's worth of work.

I had to get my private secretary to prepare such a P45 for one of my employees, a scullery maid who was utterly incapable of making a cup of tea to my exact specifications.

I keep this brown envelope sellotaped to my desk at all times.  It is a strict colour reference to the way I like my tea served. 
Any beverage served not matching this exact shade of brown - known technically as Raw Umber, colour swatch #77 - and such tea not having been made under strict instructions - one sugar, stirred anti-clockwise with antique silverware - is robustly rejected.

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