Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Cook and her Yorkshire Pudding fetish

Oh dear Lord!  Cook has gone round the bend again for the sixty-seventh time this year.  I discovered she drunk the Gin Cabinet completely dry - all 182 bottles drained!

As for her warped state of mind, her planned menu for tomorrow's Grand Christmas lunch consisted of:
  •  marshmallow in Minestrone soup;
  • followed by a latte with shredded tuna; 
  • liver and squid casserole; an oyster milkshake;
  • flambéed octopus served in a waffle,

and other, quite frankly disgusting culinary perversions.

Worst of all, she had made a Yorkshire Pudding Tower, almost 40-feet tall, containing over 1000 Yorkshire puddings. 

I'm going to have to get rid of her.  Immediately.   I asked her to come up to the fourth floor and take a seat in the ejector seat.   I felt a jolt of joy as I pressed the red button and watched the hatch in the ceiling open and shoot Cook at high speed out into the night air, in the general direction of Long Crendon, some 5 miles away.

You might remember that last Christmas, I appeared on live television for my I'd Like to Teach the World to Cook series (click the link, bitches!).

Meanwhile, Belladonna, my maid, is masturbating furiously over the sight of the 40-foot tall Yorkshire Pudding Tower.


  1. My maid of all work has gone orf to the coast to watch three ships go sailing in.

    Many moons ago, I was invited to dinner by a couple that lived on a council estate, it's true! I was rather reckless in those days, anyway, for dessert I was served a Yorkshire pudding, the top had been dipped in melted galaxy bar and left to harden, and the Yorkshire pudding itself was filled with Angel Delight. Council house éclair's, quite delicious!

    Season Greetings Fanny!

    1. Oh my word, Mitzi, that sounds abominable. A Christmas dinner on a council estate? Did you suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder afterwards? I do like the sound of Angel Delight though on Yorkshire puddings.

      Have a wonderful Christmas, Mitzi.

      Fanny xx

  2. Yorkshire Pud has lost its popularity here in The Colonies since the arrival of so many other cultures.

    It's time for a comeback.

    1. I'm sorry to learn that, Miss MJ. But there are so many ways you can make Yorkshire Pud interesting. Peppermint-flavoured Yorkshire Puds; vanilla pods; or a Yorkshire Pudding and beetroot soup. Gorgeous!