Saturday, 21 December 2013

Welshman gets toilet roll stuck up his back passage

As Fanny was eating her £5.98 fish 'n' chips last night, she caught sight of a very interesting news article amidst the oily wrappings (the newspapers in United States of England are so dire nobody actually reads them, instead they wrap greasy cooked fish meals in them).

The story was about Fanny's favourite little nation, Wales, where the earth is 90% covered in permafrost year-round and a bat is not a flying creature but a national delicacy.  Anyway, published in the Independent, this delightful Yuletide story - no doubt read out to scores of children as a bedtime story - goes like this:
"A Welshman was forced to call 999 after he got a toilet roll holder stuck up his bottom.  The un-named man, who appears to have been home at the time, was left unable to move, but luckily had his mobile phone close by.

Firemen who attended the scene were able to free him from the object successfully, but he did require on the spot medical treatment from paramedics
The firemen then provided the man, from Newport, South Wales, with “suitable advice” to avoid getting into a similar predicament again"

What a fame-whore this un-named Welshman is!  I wouldn't put it past my maid, Belladonna Zlatgrivov, to try a cheap publicity trick like that, although she's Russian!  

My question is rather simple: Is inserting a toilet roll holder into one's derrière a national past-time in Wales?  


  1. I often use glycerine suppositories and I find that a marrow is the ideal implement to use to shove them up, perhaps the Welsh gentleman was using the toilet roll holder to shove his up

    My maid of all work Carmen, likes to splash out on the Daily Mail as it's more absorbent than the other leading newspapers.

    1. Hello Mitzi, that sounds delightful. I must write in to Country Life and recommend that bit of advice. I wonder whether Carmen gets excited by the sexy ads in the back of the Daily Mail and gets distracted from her duties?