As you can see, I've had to get extra security to prevent Belladonna, my arsonist maid (also known as Belladonna Bitchhole) from re-entering the premises after her scandalous shenanigans onboard a train. These men were handpicked by none other than moi. Third from the Left is very good in bed (I cannot begin to describe the sexual gymnastics he forced me to perform)! We've had to put up electric fencing. The place looks more like Colditz than Playgirl Mansion.
Meanwhile, I last saw Belladonna living out on the village green, rummaging through the bins, eating chicken gizzards. It is so heart-warming to know that she's found her place in life.
Belladonna looks a bit rough in this photograph.
