Men.. they're nothing but ornaments as far as I'm concerned... luxury items who are there to look pretty but say very little. The less said the better. I dress my man - Juan, the Brazilian chauffeur who speaks not a single word of English - up in this little gold outfit, purchased from E-bay. It may be winter here, but Ba Humbug! to those souls who say this reveal-all outfit is inappropriate for my conservative village. You won't find my staff here at Fanny Towers dressed in Primark denimwear or hand-me-downs.
I'm lovingly adding a bit of glamour to northwest Buckinghamshire.
What am I wearing, right now, you ask?
Well, this.... I made it myself. It's called "Fanny Love's Approach of Spring" Dress made from lambs' wool with real moss plucked from the banks of the River Cherwell. The hat is a bit uncomfortable, I must confess, made as it is from a long, narrow plant pot once full of geraniums. I'm never seen out of doors without one of my famous hats!
However, not all of my staff get to wear the finest couture. No.. my current, insubordinate maid, Basil, has just been handed this bespoke uniform to wear. Her employment contract has just been re-issued stating she must wear this 24 hours a day. Isn't it divine?
Do you like my new hat? I designed it myself! I'm wearing it to a soirée in London's posh Kennington - whoops, I mean Kensington. Anyone who's anyone in the glamour world should be in attendance. Donning this daring, never-before-seen design, I'll be the talk of the town.
I commissioned and designed this hat entirely myself. It's actually more of a skullcap, as it fits tightly against the head. It's my life's work, having taken almost 8 years from inception through to conception. I struck a deal with an Alaskan fishing company who will provide me a monthly shipment of dried puffer-fish.
Watch out for my TV ad campaign, titled "Fanny Love says Hug a Pufferfish". All the catwalk models will be wearing the Pufferfish Hat in 6 months time! I'll be wearing it at numerous future events, such as Royal Ascot and Wimbledon.
Not stopping at hats, I'm going to be launching my own new fashion label: the news has spread like wildfire and caused discombobulation among the glamour world of Milanese fashionistas. Move over Versace, Ugg, Jimmy Choo, George and Primark, Fanny J.E. Love is taking the market by storm with her high-end Pufferfish hats and outfits.
I was honoured to find that these items of appareil are now being sold widely across the internet. What an indispensible fashion accessory.
