Do you like my new hat? I designed it myself! I'm wearing it to a soirée in London's posh Kennington - whoops, I mean Kensington. Anyone who's anyone in the glamour world should be in attendance. Donning this daring, never-before-seen design, I'll be the talk of the town.
I commissioned and designed this hat entirely myself. It's actually more of a skullcap, as it fits tightly against the head. It's my life's work, having taken almost 8 years from inception through to conception. I struck a deal with an Alaskan fishing company who will provide me a monthly shipment of dried puffer-fish.
Watch out for my TV ad campaign, titled "Fanny Love says Hug a Pufferfish". All the catwalk models will be wearing the Pufferfish Hat in 6 months time! I'll be wearing it at numerous future events, such as Royal Ascot and Wimbledon.
Not stopping at hats, I'm going to be launching my own new fashion label: the news has spread like wildfire and caused discombobulation among the glamour world of Milanese fashionistas. Move over Versace, Ugg, Jimmy Choo, George and Primark, Fanny J.E. Love is taking the market by storm with her high-end Pufferfish hats and outfits.
Watch out for my TV ad campaign, titled "Fanny Love says Hug a Pufferfish". All the catwalk models will be wearing the Pufferfish Hat in 6 months time! I'll be wearing it at numerous future events, such as Royal Ascot and Wimbledon.
I like your hat very much indeed. I've often thought that those little dried seahorses you see on display in seaside souvenir shops would make lovely earrings, spray painted gold, they would make the perfect accompaniment to your puffer fish hat, not only would you be the talk of the town, you'll be the envy of it.
ReplyDeleteI've been to Kensington, it was some time ago, but I am still haunted by what I saw there. I cannot get the pictures of the burnt out houses and the boarded up shops out of my mind, seeing pregnant women smoking rollups on their door steps, their barefooted children running wild with that feral look in their gimlet eyes, the scabs, the bent legs and wizened bodies, quite pitiful. It's hard to believe that this is a location in England.
Hello Mitzi, thank you for your wonderful comment. I have mailed a Pufferfish hat to you, so you may wear one, too, and be the envy of Northern England!
DeleteMy heart is full of anguish in reference to your recollection of your visit to Kensington and how depraved the citizens were; it sounds like you arrived in North Kensington, rather than South Kensington, separated by a mere half-mile but worlds apart!
I'm afraid I refuse to mix with the hoi polloi of North Kensington, but it does often twang my heart-strings to see those poor varmints on the streets, so much so that I take with me in the back of my chauffeur a supply of dog-bones so whenever I see one of these barefooted, impoverished citizens, with gimlet eyes, scabs, bent legs and wizened bodies, I toss out a dog-bone and watch as it is devoured in seconds.
I was referring to Kensington Road, Liverpool. See here and gasp at the lack of opulence. I can't wait to show off my pufferish hat to the girls at Betty's Tea Shop in York, they'll be thrilled and no doubt, a little green around the gills.
ReplyDeleteLiverpool? I shudder at the thought. Certainly, the link you have provided shows photos of the general area and it looks impoverished and depraved. Why can't the Lufftwaffle blow the place to smithereens and move all the inhabitants of Kensington Road, Liverpool down to somewhere reasonably posh like Croydon, Barking or Scunthorpe?
DeleteBetty's Tea Shop in York, btw, sounds divine.
Doesn't your hat smell somewhat fishy?
ReplyDeleteHello Mistress MJ,
DeleteI managed to remove the fishy smell by boiling the puffer-fish in vinegar. But it does smell a bit vinegary now... I am also mailing you a puffer-fish hat so you may start a new fashion for the people of Canada!
Thank you, Miss Love.
DeleteThe puffer-fish hat could only be an improvement on the Canadian toque.