No, it's not Skegness.
Postman Pat delivered this postcard this morning, from Belladonna. It seems that her hot air balloon was not blown out of the sky over the Bay of Biscay by the French Air Force (*weeps uncontrollably at this news*), but she made it back to her homeland. What a delightful little place Norilsk is, reminds me of Wales.
Good riddance to Belladonna, that's what I say. Let the Russians have her.
Darling Fanny,
ReplyDeleteFirst, we cannot tell you how thrilled we are that one of us shares a first name with you. Jane. Now, we feel a closer bond than ever before, especially as it is Plain Jane with no 'y'. That would have been a disappointment if not a tragedy......
And, do be truthful, darling Fanny, were you not just the slightest bit touched that Belladonna sent you that delightful postcard? She has had a lot going on in her life and it must have been a strong wind to carry her off course to Russia. It cannot have been all plain sailing in the balloon. And yet, she put her pen to paper and thought of you, even in her deepest hour of despair.
Actually, on closer inspection, Norilsk does seem to have a certain charm. Could this be a top holiday destination for 2015? After all, it does seem to be off the beaten track.....just one man and a dog appear to be its only inhabitants. And, as the beaches of the world become ever more crowded, so Norilsk could be exactly what the adventurous tourist now seeks. Factory tours, tank testing, fighter jet flying......oh, yes, Norilsk has it all. And, it appears to have a church in a rather fetching shade of turquoise with a golden dome. Now, that's classy!
My darling Jane and Lance,
DeleteThank you for your wonderful comment. There's certainly no truth in the 'Plain Jane' tag in your case, Jane. I've seen those photos of you swishing glamorously around zonas exoticas with Lance, but yes, my middle name is Jane. I won't begin to explain my other names..... too embarrassing.
You are quite right that it was a foul wind that carried Belladonna to Russia. I feel that Norilsk could well be a top holiday destination for 2015 and I am petitioning ITV to send Judith Chalmers (she of Wish You Were Here? fame) there for an extended period in a gulag.
I hope to be visiting Budapest soon and I hope we can do an afternoon tea or two....
Fanny xx
Darling Fanny,
DeleteYou MUST let us know as soon as the tickets are bought!
Champagne all the way here...........sod the afternoon tea!
Whatever....no Judith Chalmers please!!!
Sadly, I fear that Judith Chalmers may be making a cum-back. Check out the XXX-rated GILF* channel on Freeview 666.
Delete*GILF = Granny I'd Like To Fuck
You are sure it is not Port Talbot Belladonna is writing from ?
ReplyDeleteDear 63mago, it could well be Port Talbot. Norilsk and Port Talbot were recently twinned by the Town Councils. Two tattooed lesbians from each place met up and cut a ribbon. How lovely! xx
DeleteNorilsk looks gorgeous just like a painting by Lowry, I must go there, wearing a pair of clogs and a tattered shawl and nothing else.
ReplyDeleteMitzi darling, the likes of you would be better suited to St Tropez or Miami. Norilsk really is the arsehole of the world, more so now that Belladonna is back there. xx
DeleteBut there are no sheep in Norilsk.... and no obvious signs of singing.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for Belladonna, I am going to start a Facebook page in an effort to rehouse her in Wales.
Sx
Hi Ms Scarlet, please do start that Facebook page to rehouse Belladonna in Wales. Maybe somewhere posh like Tonypandy or Treorchy? She'd like it up there. x
DeleteNorilsk is a double for Newport...or The 'Port as we fortunate enough to have lived there call it. Usually when pissed. As one who grew up in the shadow of the steelworks, I'm feeling almost homesick. If Belladonna gets back, send her to Newport. I'd like to see that fight.
ReplyDeleteIvy darling, I love Newport, especially the rough truckers around the Transport Bridge who love a lady in silk. The toilets up the A449 are brill, as well, lots of Welsh totty. If Belladonna does set foot back on these islands, I will send her your way!
DeleteCow Drift Lane... Is that a fact?
ReplyDeleteOccasionally, during the winter floods, I look out of the window and see a cow or two drift past on the rising water. Fortunately, Raffles is on a hill so no flooding for me! x
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