One of my New Years Resolutions was to try a different sex position every day with my Brazilian dream-boat, Juan. So, being the debauched Latin lothario that he is, Juan stripped me naked and hung me from the chandelier by my pearl necklace. After that, we tried the Madame Butterfly position, followed by The Brazilian Bedlock, The Bicycle Pump and last, but by no means least, the Moon over Miami position. You could say I'm a bit of a sexual gymnast!
While I think it great you have new years resolutions....just be careful my dear around South American help. My last Brazilian houseboy too hung me from the chandelier(what with them and the chandelier) and though it appropriate to use the crystal drops as anal beads. I was horrified. Not only was the chandelier a estate piece from an auction house, but a few of the bead, ah, fell in shall we say and couldn't be retrieved. Thank goodness they showed up two days later.
ReplyDeleteOh darling, you made me laugh long and hard. I am so sorry to learn that one of the anal beads never showed up. You are so right to be careful around South American 'help', they can get quite carried away!
DeleteThank goodness that you have done nothing with scampi fries or prawns or fish fingers.
ReplyDeleteSx
I have developed an acute neurosis to anything fishy. At the moment I'm wearing green rubber gloves and a clothes-line peg on my nose x
DeleteShandy layers as my maid of all work Carmen calls them. You are spoilt Fanny. My lovers whip it in, whip it out and wipe it, usually on my bedroom curtains, I see them the next morning looking all scrunched up, filthy pigs.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a young slip of a thing and totally unprepared to face a world of men, I met a gentleman at the park, he taught me the teapot technique. Back at his place, he filled a brown betty with lukewarm water and placed his pods inside it, he then sat me down on an ottoman and got me to blow down the spout while he masturbated furiously into my hair. I thought that's what they meant by giving a blowjob!
Oh my! I will have to try the Teapot technique. Is it possible to perform it in the small, confined space of a Victorian cottage? Wouldn't one bang one's head on the cistern?
DeleteI would love to experience some of the filthy brutes who have stampeded their way down your back passage (as it were). Wiping their spent cum on your bedroom curtains, it is a tragedy of epic proportions.
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