It has been a busy day at Fanny Towers. Just as I was sitting down to a wonderful gastonomic experience of beetroot soup, hand-dived scallops, followed by Deep Fried Mars Bar Surprise with foie gras (apparently a Scottish delicacy), the gatehouse telephoned me to advise a Special Delivery had arrived. It is unusual to receive such deliveries at this hour, so I was all the more startled.
There were several large boxes and the accompanying letter bore the name East Lincolnshire Art & Antiques Store, claiming to be sending me a dealer of objet d'art.
When it was all unwrapped, it turned out not to be objet d'art at all, but some furniture, sent from a meddlesome collector who is clearly trying to woo me.
The above looks like a dragon chair or something from a children's fairytale. Apparently made in the 1950s and something of an antique, in certain circles. Not sure what the long teeth-like things are, possibly something to do with Lady Gaga; looks cheap. I will probably donate this to my local dentist surgery, since it is the type of piece that surely comforts the worried, dentist-phobic patient.
And this seems to be a chair made from meat from a German designer. Looks like a dime-a-dozen set, knocked out in their hundreds, sold for pennies. I think I'm sending this one to the South Wiltshire Vegetarian Society. I noticed they were appealing for bits of office furniture, as they've newly set up offices in Tisbury, and are on a limited budget. I am sure they'll love it.
The above black-and-white affair is supposed to be an Erotic Animal Print Chair with Marilyn Manson's legs. Sorry, I mean Marilyn Munroe's legs. Slight difference. Not sure where this should go in my house. Maybe at the bottom of the lake in the grounds.
And as for this, a walnut-wood tart's derrière, polished to a high shine, apparently by a Brazilian designer, it's a little bit reserved for my taste. I think I'll donate it to the church. It looks the type of rudimentary stand-alone that would look wonderful in the church vestibule. They could use it to stack hymn books on and I'm sure that it would be a conversation piece every Sunday morning worship.
A gracious thank you to East Lincolnshire Art & Antiques Store. Like going to a cheap hairdresser, cheap and nasty furniture will only leave you looking ridiculous.
There were several large boxes and the accompanying letter bore the name East Lincolnshire Art & Antiques Store, claiming to be sending me a dealer of objet d'art.
When it was all unwrapped, it turned out not to be objet d'art at all, but some furniture, sent from a meddlesome collector who is clearly trying to woo me.
The above looks like a dragon chair or something from a children's fairytale. Apparently made in the 1950s and something of an antique, in certain circles. Not sure what the long teeth-like things are, possibly something to do with Lady Gaga; looks cheap. I will probably donate this to my local dentist surgery, since it is the type of piece that surely comforts the worried, dentist-phobic patient.
And this seems to be a chair made from meat from a German designer. Looks like a dime-a-dozen set, knocked out in their hundreds, sold for pennies. I think I'm sending this one to the South Wiltshire Vegetarian Society. I noticed they were appealing for bits of office furniture, as they've newly set up offices in Tisbury, and are on a limited budget. I am sure they'll love it.
The above black-and-white affair is supposed to be an Erotic Animal Print Chair with Marilyn Manson's legs. Sorry, I mean Marilyn Munroe's legs. Slight difference. Not sure where this should go in my house. Maybe at the bottom of the lake in the grounds.
And as for this, a walnut-wood tart's derrière, polished to a high shine, apparently by a Brazilian designer, it's a little bit reserved for my taste. I think I'll donate it to the church. It looks the type of rudimentary stand-alone that would look wonderful in the church vestibule. They could use it to stack hymn books on and I'm sure that it would be a conversation piece every Sunday morning worship.
A gracious thank you to East Lincolnshire Art & Antiques Store. Like going to a cheap hairdresser, cheap and nasty furniture will only leave you looking ridiculous.
It's breathtaking Fanny, it's better than lloyd Loom's wicker rubbish (try saying that out loud after a few scoops!).
ReplyDeleteI love your sense of humour. It's a great assortment of high class furniture design lol
ReplyDelete