Maid gone AWOL

Pffft... so much for 'hired help'.  The maid has gone AWOL, the servants-quarters are deserted and there's no-one to fetch the papers, toast my crumpets, fill my bath, or warm my slippers.  My respectability in social circles is crumbling!  If a maid is worth her salt, then she's loyal, caring and dependable.

As you can see from the picture, I even had to reload the dishwasher myself.  What is the world coming to?

My world of gesticolare

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One of my favourite reads

This is a great read; my copy of this book is very well-thumbed, with some pages stuck together: in the comfort of your own home, you too can make a dildo from an empty packet of Smarties, a can of baked beans, or an old washing-up liquid bottle, using only sticky-back plastic. 

The ladies at the Womens' Institute in Brill will enjoy this book, too.  I donated twenty copies from my library.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of a DIY dildo I just made with sticky-back plastic.  Isn't it wonderful?  No more Ann Summers!

My DIY dildo.  Isn't it magnificent?

Asifa Lahore

This Asian beauty is Asifa Lahore, the United Kingdom's first Muslim drag queen.   My lunatic maid, Basil, was screwing around with the television remote control yesterday, flicking the channel over from The Wombles to Judge Judy and back to Sun, Sea and Pissed-Up Brits.  I thwacked her around the head with a rolled-up newspaper, and that must have dislodged some dust and mothballs from her tiny grey brain, because Basil the maid quietly turned the channel back to BBC1 before sitting heavily down with all the grace of an East End builder onto an antique Windsor Carver chair, crushing the thing to matchsticks. 

At that very moment - in stark contrast to Basil's strikingly humdrum resemblance to Thora Hird (minus the tattoos, of course) - the gorgeous Asifa Lahore appeared on the TV screen like a whirling dervish, and all thoughts of sadistically punishing the maid went out the window for a few moments as I was seduced by a world of burqa-clad, Bollywood hanky-panky.

Listen to this wonderful song: Punjabi Girl by Asifa... I was literally glued to the TV screen for the remaining few minutes..... put on your best glittery stilettos and get ready to boogie!

 "I'm a glamorous queen in Versace

Make me cook, make me clean

Asian men are so mean

You want me as your wife

And you play on the scene"